Holy shitballs, my last post was 17months ago. Not quite legally dead but will anyone have been holding on long enough to actually notice I have posted? I don't even remember how to put a page together so bear with me. Bare with me? Beer? It's gotta be bear.

My absence began when I went back to uni. Not Sydney uni. I finally cut the noose of that place about a year ago. No, I went to study a diploma of film and video production. Worked my arse off night and day but it was worth it. For samples of my work clickety click. I graduated at the end of Feb this year and have been working in a Sydney supermaret and saving my pennies hard to blow this Sydney popsicle stand and continue trotting the globe. I picked out some photos to summarise my absence as best I could but it's in a somewhat random order because I couldn't remember how to upload my photos in order.

Seamus and I took a camping trip to Thredbo as winter was on the horizon. It was dead freezing and pissed with rain one night but was great fun nonetheless. WE MAKE FIRE! And saw some wild kangaroos, emus and an elk by the campsite.

Hutch came over to Sydney and we spent a beautiful day kayaking Sydney Harbour with Seamus. We were a pretty mean two-chick team by the end of the day. "Like a hot kayak through butter" as Hutch said.

Seadog roped herself a man and moved to Melbourne. One day when I had a freak roster of four days off in a row and Seamus was on worker's comp we decided we'd drive to Melbourne for a visit. What a drive! We somehow became high-ranking submarine officers on the way. There was a big submarine embedded in the ground in the little town of Herbert. And ofcourse we took time to hunt down the big Ned Kelly, big Cheese, big cherry etc.

The Chanster moved from Chanada to Sydney. We've been catching up lots, filling up on Yum Cha and making the most of St Patrick's Day. Our latest foray is into knitting. I have so far made a toy and a baby mitten (second mitten pending).





Seamus moved home to Ireland at the end of his visa. Here he is in front of the big potato in Robertson on Boxing Day 2008. I moved into his old flat in Newtown after spending 8 months in the burbs because I was poor. In the end I wasn't a burbs girl at all, nor was I a screaming tantrum housemate girl.




Annehog came to visit Sydney after peddling her arse across the five main states. We had a very festive Christmas complete with reindeer pinata. I also have to mention that Anna had a windfall at Bingo. Woolworths vouchers ahoy! We also have plans to start up a false moustache company that specialises in emergency express deliveries.





Hayley the Firecrotch returned to NZ for a new job and is loving the relaxed pace of life. Yep, everybody's getting the fuck out of Sydney. Thank god for the Chanster.

So, as the old Sydney slowly evaporates around me I remain calm, living a happy and carefree life in Newtown and finally planning my escape across the seas. Details as they come to hand.

Er, hello.
The primary reason I haven't updated in a while is that I was an unemployed loser. The only time I spent on the internet was applying for jobs in an internet cafe (they shouldn't call them cafes when there's no food). However, unemployment wasn't all couches and soup kitchens. I learned many things.

Things I Learned

Becoming a library member gives you free internet and dvds which come in very handy when you are broke. It also gives you a library card that you can flash at parties and say "It's okay, I'm a member!" etc.

CSI Las Vegas really is the best CSI. After watching all three I can safely say that despite there being a fan-boat in Miami, it just doesn't cut it otherwise. And Horatio and Gary Sinise are in a completely different league to Grissom. And I'm talking downtown!

The most tacky and cheesy television is often the most addictive. Case in point: Hannah Montana. Billy Ray Cyrus and his real life daughter star as father and daughter (gasp) in this sitcom about a singing sensation who keeps her identity secret from her school friends (one of whom is played by Hayley Joel Osment's younger sister - could this get any better?). There's also a wacky brother thrown into the mix and plenty of father-daughter-moralistic-oohhh moments. I later found out that Hannah Montana aka. Miley Cyrus aka. How Are These People Famous? actually is an American singing sensation with deluded hits such as Life's What You Make It and other honourable mentions.

Following in the footsteps of Paris Hilton is Bruce Willis' daughter Rumer who has absolutely no reason for celebrity status but still plasters herself across OK! and Hollywood Uncensored like a horse ready for the glue factory.

I am friends with plants. Keeping pot plants alive can be humanly and maternally satisfying when you don't have much else going for you.

Marigolds naturally deter pests that eat lettuces. Unfortunately my marigolds appear to have pests of their own so haven't really made it past the shoot stage.

Cupcakes are the new friendship bracelets - this according to Girl TV.

My jandal broke. Luckily I had a back up pair but I really liked the other ones :(

Bray was here but now he's gone. We desicrated Graffiti Tunnel in his honour.

While mountain biking with Seadog we met a massive Goanna? Lizard? Something.

Hizzle Bizzle sent me a t-shirt expressing her true feelings about me.

Seamus took me kayaking on Sydney Harbour. We crossed right over to the other side and also had the belittling experience of paddling alongside a humungous passenger liner. HONK.

The Big Wine Bottle

My Big Things Map placed the big wine bottle in proximity of a small town in the Hunter Valley called Cessnock. Seamus and I departed Sydney in the morning only to be distracted by a dinosaur on the side of the highway not too far out of Sydney. “Reptile Park”, the sign said. Crocodiles and dinosaurs, it said. Crocodiles, yes. Dinosaurs, disappointingly no. Nonetheless, we had the pleasure of getting up close to bats, snakes and a baby Tasmanian Devil… and exceptionally close to a boa constrictor oooOOOoooOOOooo! Eventually we got back on track and arrived in the Hunter Valley around 4pm (this was a day trip btw). We strained our necks all around the quaint little town of Cessnock unsuccessfully before heading into vineyard city. I knew the Hunter Valley was a renowned wine region but the extent of such was surprising. I think there are over 100 wineries. We went to a few cellars for a taste and a probe but no one seemed to know the whereabouts of “a what?” Things were looking down. It was even crossing my mind that we would have to go home and come back the next day. We were taking country roads somewhat at random and were running low on spirit. Hunter Valley Gardens looked interesting, something to take our minds off impending failure. All you Lionel Ritchie fans will be interested to know he was performing at the gardens that very evening. Unfortunately for us even Lionel Ritchie couldn’t lift our spirits. To our left as we drove in was a little village. A band was setting up on the rotunda. We parked the car in the carpark and lumbered in the direction of the rotunda (we were lumbering because our shoulders were heavy with disappointment). I looked up and stopped suddenly, breathless. Seamus walked into me then looked up and mimicked my gaze of disbelief. Before us like a haloed beacon of faith stood the big wine bottle. I think we were both close to tears.

South Coast

I was in need of a trip. The south coast looked good. The weather looked crap and proved to be so for most of the trip. I shacked up in Batemans Bay. The weather pooed all over my plans to go mountain biking or kayaking so I took in the quaint little towns further down the coast. Mogo. Central Tilba. Tilba Tilba. Charming little old-fashioned lolly shops and fudge shops are to be found in each of these southern coastal towns. Much of the early buildings are still intact. Mogo even has its own gold mining village complete with people dressed up as rustlers and sheriffs and old ladies. Plenty of whip cracking fun. Despite the fact that wet weather tends to wash gold down the river, I wasn’t eager to pan in the rain so left empty-handed.
Pebbly Beach seemed like a good place to visit on the drive back up to Sydney. It was covered in pebbles as the name suggests. A notice at the YHA had suggested the feeding of parrots at the beach so I bought some parrot seed at the supermarket before leaving Batemans Bay. There was also talk of wild kangaroos. Signs at the carpark warned against feeding the wildlife. Reasons were given and ignored. Walking along the beach I was disappointed at the lack of fauna. But as always, when I least expect, I stumble upon a couple of kangaroos chillaxing beside the path. I wanted an up-close photo of the pair but didn’t fancy the look of the big one’s legs or the look in its eye. I suspected that it might be very protective of the smaller kangaroo so I got only as close as was required for me to fit in the camera frame. Back at the car a couple of parrots appeared. I reached for my bag of seed but without even opening it I found myself swarmed by parrots. As much as I wanted my fifteen minutes of bird lady fame I suddenly felt doubtful. It was eerily reminiscent of Alfred Hitchcock's horror movie The Birds in which people are viciously killed by flocks of birds.
Torrential rain made for a slow drive home.

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The Sunrise Team

If you’re not a fan of sunrise go to hell. Just kidding. Sunrise is a morning show. There’s news, there’s laughter, there’s witty banter. The news desk is in front of windows that look onto Martin Place, the CBD’s bizness central. Every morning the windows are filled with passersby and diehard Sunrise fans holding up signs that say things like “Hi Nana!” It is with deep regret that I confirm there was never a sign that said “Thanks for dinner Hayley and Pip”. Despite this, I appreciated the mornings that I saw Dave Nipple in the windows pointing toward his nipple and such on his way to work.
It became high time that Hayley and I got down to “brekky central” ourselves. I got up especially early and we jumped a train to the city. Just before 9am each morning the presenters leave the studio and wrap up the show from outside. When we arrived they were still in the studio talking Christmas table decorations and reading every little piece of banter from the autocue. I was in the window making a dick of myself unyieldingly. It was great. We soon met Kochie, Mel, Baretta and Monique face to face. Kochie was tall. Monique was short. They wore lots of makeup and had little earpieces in their ears and microphones on their lapels. A lady asked Mel where her clothes came from. Quite frankly, if she paid attention to the credits once in a while she’d know they were from Myer.

Later

In one of the biggest up coming going downs to hit probe it gives me great pleasure to announce the return of Australian Gladiators (Applause) being filmed right here in Sydney!! Standby for action.